3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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