He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
