There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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