My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
