Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
