You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
