they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
