my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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