clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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