Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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