she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
