A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
