When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
