well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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