I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
