Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
