there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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