Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
