whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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