I wish I could punch you in the face.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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