just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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