Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
