i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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