the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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