The maid of honor just puked.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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