do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
