I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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