i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
