just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
