i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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