exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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