I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
