Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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