a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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