..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
