I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
