maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
