My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
