I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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