life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
