i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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