you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
