Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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