Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
