So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
