I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
