It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
