does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He kissed a someone with a penis
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
