i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
