apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
