i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
