That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
