the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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