So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
