I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
